"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." -Martin Luther

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Foot Jiggling

Just in case all my fans thought I was serious all the time, I thought I would make sure they understood that I have a sense of humor.
But first, I will address the sober, highly-important subject of foot jiggling.
Foot jiggling (fo-ot jiggle-ing) has been around about as long as the foot. Canines are the animal with the closest imitation of this solely homo-sapien practice, and they use it to scratch their ears.
Humans use jiggling for several purposes, which will each be briefly discussed.
First, jiggling helps soothe the human mind, similar to the effect of a fan or noise-maker has on a person attempting to slumber. The rythym helps a person maintain sanity in the presence of extreem abnormality, by establishing a measured, constant link between the person's mind, body, and surroundings.
The second use of foot jiggling is almost an offshoot of the first. While listening to poetry, music, or singing, the listener or performer may maintain a connection with the rythym by reproducing it in jiggles. This is probably the most widespread application of foot jiggling in existence.
The third use of foot jiggling is to release excess energy. This use is made use of primarily by high-energy, nervous, or high-caffeine and/or stimulant consumers. The more rapid or repititious jiggles seem to be highly effective in removing nervous energy. Perhaps part of this is due to the distraction from current energy-producing events such as an upcoming competition, as rapid jiggling can cause muscle pain, spasms, and cramps. But it is still clear that jiggling can and is used to burn off excess calories.
The fourth and final use of jiggling is to irritate others. This is often accomplished as a by-product of jiggling, not as an intended result, but it must be noticed that this will be the result of jiggling in the presence of certain personalities, or, in fact, any personality in the right/wrong circumstances. Apparently this frenetic motion drives others to experience a rush of nervous energy in empathy, similar to the phenomenon of thinking of or seeing a yawn will often induce yawning. When my dad directed a choir, he would always yawn at the beginning of practice, causing about 50% of the choir members to do the same, thus stretching -- "warming up" their mouths. The problem with this reaction-in-kind to jiggling is that it does not cause parallel jiggles, only energy, thus making the person surveying the jiggler nervous, excitable, and irritated with the person who just caused such discomfort. Jiggling is like telling a pun, only the person doing it likes it.
Now that the primary uses of jiggling have been described in a general way, let us proceed to the meat of the discussion, types of jiggling.
I have qualms about leaving such a serious topic in its middle. Some of you may feel that to begin such a treacherous yet important subject, and leave its conclusion to be guessed at by any and all is ethically questionable. I, however, feel that all my readers must and shall be trusted to keep speculations to themselves, and wait patiently for the conclusion.