Foot Jiggling V

Back to the classes:
Pretzel: In this class, not for the faint of heart, one leg, the top leg, is held naturally, straight out, bent straight down, and jiggles from the toe. The other leg, the bottom leg, extends straight out, is bent back in under the top leg so that it is pancaked between the seat and the top leg's thigh. This leaves the bottom foot protruding to rapidly twist back and forth. The pretzel is great for whacking your feet on things and making them sore. Please not that those whose knee joints occasionally become partially out of socket may want to refrain from this jiggle, as should those prone to muscle cramps.
Stylish Cross: A jiggle with an attitude, the stylish cross begins with one leg out and bent down to the floor, leaning to the inside, with the other leg draped over its knee. This allows the bottom to keep a beat with its toe while the top wiggles its way to fame. Rapid leg reverses bring even more attention to this ostentatious jiggle. This jiggle may cause uncomfortable sweating where the two legs sit on top of each other, so it is reccomended for the cooler months.
Holding Feet: This is only a slight modification of the Classic. Both feet are extended out, angled outward, and fold inward. The bottom leg touches down on the toe, the top leg goes behind it, with the front of the top ankle resting over the heel of the bottom foot. This jiggle, if used excessively, may lead to rashes or blisters, but it allows for rubbing bone dual-rythym, and bounces the knees in sync with the jiggle.

Foot Jiggling IV: A Detour to the Invention and Subsequent History of the Jiggle

The mention of Chinese water torture caused me to ponder. It seems to me that, among their invention of eyeglasses, explosives, kites, knights or "Samurai", and martial arts, one far-more important Chinese invention has been sadly neglected. I refer, of course, to foot jiggling. It is clear that this emerged in the late twenty-fifth century B.C., as man's life-span finished shortening, causing time to fly by mankind at breakneck speeds. The Chinese, well-known for their "deep" philosophies, found that meditation involving rythymic lower body motion that left the upper body motionless allowed for deep insights into life, and spiritual victory over one's enemies. They intitled this art "Jig Gling" (not to be mistaken for "Jing Gul" a vocal meditation routine meant for memorization, but which was soon recognized as a powerful demoralizer among young slaves). The dance-connotating "jig" as well as our own "jiggle" emerged from this nomen.

Most Chinese thought this technique best suited for proselytes learning the ways of the philosophers, but soon it became so popular with the philosophers, that they reccomended it to the physicians, who reccomended it to the Samurai, who in turn enforced it upon their people as neccessary for good health, and as a last ditch tactic against the enemy. Several ancient accounts of enemies begging for mercy and giving up priceless secrets when confronted with a jiggler.
Unfortunately, jiggling was so potent as a weapon that soon Samurai forced their peasants to be hynoptized out of remembering it, due to their use of it against each other over petty disputes. Soon, it was a secret of war, treasured by the few Samurai who held the truth, typically through some wise philosopher in his employ. Mention of this art was avoided, for fear of the secret getting out again.
Around 300 B.C., all references to Jig Gling stop. It appears that the few high-ranking Chinese who still knew of the art buried their secret, destroyed the few manuscripts remaining, in short, destroyed the documentation on Jig Gling. Their reasons were three-fold. First, any who first learns Jig Gling finds it is hard to unlearn. Those who knew it already had no need for documentation. Second, it was too dangerous a weapon, and there was no garuntee that the secret would not be let out and proceed to destroy the known world. Third, and this was the flagship motive, water-torture became popular during this period, and it was so much more humane than Jig Gling, while maintaining its effeciency, that Jig Gling was unneccessary. After this, Jig Gling was passed on through the generations by word of mouth, and only a few brave and tragic souls actaully practised the tecnique. These lost all friends and allies, and were destroyed by their neighbors as too dangerous to live.
It was Marco Polo who brought Jig Gling to the modern world, daring many dangers, and surviving an intense Jig Gling dual, to capture and return with the secret. From that time forth, Jigg Gling, in a westernized, mostly-harmless form. Few now remember the deadly secrets that unleash Jiggle into its bloodthirsty form, Jig Gling. It is rumored, however, that the League of Shadows use this as a last-ditch effort to cause chaos, and may be represented returning to Gotham in Batman 2 with this tecnique. But of course, this form of Jig Gling would be stylized and devoid of danger.

Foot Jiggling 3: Classes

Surprisingly, there is much pleasure to be found in any discussion or application of jiggle-classes. Do not think enjoying this subject is taking too low a view of it. Foot jiggling, as is the case with many other sober practices, is the object of its own unique pleasure.
Classic: Sitting. One leg straight forward and bent straight down to floor. Other leg out to side, folded in at knee perpendicular to first leg, resting above ankle just behind first leg's knee. This allows for a rapid up-and-down jiggle by the top leg, and a beat-keeping thump by the grounded leg, lifting the toe for less disturbance, or the heel for a shift of the entire system. The classic is good for banging on low-lying tables, and is best when sitting at a table. It can, however, be used while simply lounging in a seat, or at a movie. The upper leg sometimes becomes sore, or even numb from its position, and reversing legs is recommended every ten to twenty minutes. The classic is also an effective platform, allowing for notebooks, or reading materials. Unfortunately, low chairs crowded seating and arm-rest mounted tables in college classrooms disrupt this class of jiggle.
Open: The open jiggle can do everything the classic could not, at the loss of some of the rythym and aggravation opportunities. The open consists of a sitting position with legs straight out to the knee, folded down to the ground. The angle of the legs can be changed (tighter, wider, or to one side or the other), even in mid-jiggle, allowing for a swaying or kaleidescoping effect. Jiggling from the heel (lifting the toe off the ground) is tiring and uninspiring from this class. Jiggling off the toe, bouncing the knees is reccomended. Also reccomended is syncrounous jiggling. Aggravation in this stance is only accomplished if the jiggler possesses the stamina to maintain the jiggle long enough to drive observers mad, in an effect similar to Chinese water-torture.

Foot Jiggling II: Subclasses

To describe each individual jiggle is impossible. It is rare that a jiggle-pattern is ever repeated. However, the basic classes of jiggle can be defined, as well as sub-classes, or modifiers. Classes and modifiers combine to create a single, unique jiggle-pattern.

First, subclasses will be explained.

syncronous: In two-leg jiggle-patterns, having identical jiggles--left up, right up. Left down, right down.
Use: Focus

Antisyncronous: left up, right down, right down, left up. A difficult subclass.
Use: Energy release. Aggravation.

speed: rapidity of jiggle.
Use: Energy Release. Rythym. Aggravation.

Alternate: In two-leg patterns, a jiggle that switches left and right roles every cycle. For instance. Left left right. right right left. (with the single pattern left left right)
Use: Rythym

Overlapping: an alternate jiggle-pattern that overlaps: left left right right left left right right, (with the single pattern left left right)
Use: Focus

On-off: a jiggle pattern with a blank space btw each/every _ repititions. (rightrightright..........rightrightright)
Use: Focus. Rythym.

Full alternate: Alternate in which the entire repitition is jiggled first by one foot, then the other (left...leftleftleft right....rightrightright)
Use: Focus.

Not all subclasses can modify all classes. Obviously, a single foot class of jiggle cannot alternate. They can be applied to any "basic" class, similar to translation, stretching, and flipping on a graph.

Most jiggle patterns can be changed from the basic use to another, by modification through subclasses. Remember, all jiggles can produce energy release, focus, rythym, or aggravation; the uses listed are just those most improved by the addition of the subclass.

Before I go any further I must condemn the use of foot-jiggling as an aggravant. Otherwise I might be held accountable when everyone becomes just that much more annoying due to modifying their jiggle for aggravation. It is not nice to aggravate people. If someone asks you to stop jiggling, do your very best to do so. Remember how you feel when things drive you crazy. And consider others better than yourself.

Foot Jiggling

Just in case all my fans thought I was serious all the time, I thought I would make sure they understood that I have a sense of humor.
But first, I will address the sober, highly-important subject of foot jiggling.
Foot jiggling (fo-ot jiggle-ing) has been around about as long as the foot. Canines are the animal with the closest imitation of this solely homo-sapien practice, and they use it to scratch their ears.
Humans use jiggling for several purposes, which will each be briefly discussed.
First, jiggling helps soothe the human mind, similar to the effect of a fan or noise-maker has on a person attempting to slumber. The rythym helps a person maintain sanity in the presence of extreem abnormality, by establishing a measured, constant link between the person's mind, body, and surroundings.
The second use of foot jiggling is almost an offshoot of the first. While listening to poetry, music, or singing, the listener or performer may maintain a connection with the rythym by reproducing it in jiggles. This is probably the most widespread application of foot jiggling in existence.
The third use of foot jiggling is to release excess energy. This use is made use of primarily by high-energy, nervous, or high-caffeine and/or stimulant consumers. The more rapid or repititious jiggles seem to be highly effective in removing nervous energy. Perhaps part of this is due to the distraction from current energy-producing events such as an upcoming competition, as rapid jiggling can cause muscle pain, spasms, and cramps. But it is still clear that jiggling can and is used to burn off excess calories.
The fourth and final use of jiggling is to irritate others. This is often accomplished as a by-product of jiggling, not as an intended result, but it must be noticed that this will be the result of jiggling in the presence of certain personalities, or, in fact, any personality in the right/wrong circumstances. Apparently this frenetic motion drives others to experience a rush of nervous energy in empathy, similar to the phenomenon of thinking of or seeing a yawn will often induce yawning. When my dad directed a choir, he would always yawn at the beginning of practice, causing about 50% of the choir members to do the same, thus stretching -- "warming up" their mouths. The problem with this reaction-in-kind to jiggling is that it does not cause parallel jiggles, only energy, thus making the person surveying the jiggler nervous, excitable, and irritated with the person who just caused such discomfort. Jiggling is like telling a pun, only the person doing it likes it.
Now that the primary uses of jiggling have been described in a general way, let us proceed to the meat of the discussion, types of jiggling.
T.B.C.
I have qualms about leaving such a serious topic in its middle. Some of you may feel that to begin such a treacherous yet important subject, and leave its conclusion to be guessed at by any and all is ethically questionable. I, however, feel that all my readers must and shall be trusted to keep speculations to themselves, and wait patiently for the conclusion.